10 Things Parents Should Tell Their Children and Teens About Bullying

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10 Things You Should Tell Your Child or Teen About Bullying
By Kathryn Seifert, PH.D.
CEO, Eastern Shore Psychological Services and CARE2, LLC
Author of ”How Children Become Violent” and the CARE2 Assessment

Bullying happens at all ages. In younger grades, bullying happens most often on the playground or lunchroom. Children are frequently not able to stop bullies by themselves. Therefore, playgrounds and lunches must be closely monitored. Teens are more likely to use cyber-bullying and girls are more likely to use social rejection.

One in 7 students in US schools is a bully or a victim of a bully. Almost 5 million students in this country have been bullied in school. Bullying is detrimental for the school, the victim and the bully. The school atmosphere is disrupted by bullying and children can feel unsafe. The victim of a bully can be injured physically and psychologically. The bully can also be harmed because every time he bullies without being corrected, he believes that his behavior is acceptable.” Therefore, he will do the same thing again if given the opportunity. Parents need to inform schools about bullying and teachers must act on all bullying reports.

Two high profile recent bullying events ended with tragic results. Six teens were accused of bullying Phoebe Prince in January in a Massachusetts school. Phoebe eventually committed suicide in reaction to the relentless bullying. Trials are expected early in 2011. More recently, 2 college students allegedly video taped Tyler Clementi having sex and streamed it on the internet. This was a horrible case of cyber bullying. Tyler jumped off of the George Washington Bridge and committed suicide in reaction to the bullying he endured. We must help our children understand the harm they cause by bullying others and help victims get support and end bullying when it happens. We must create an atmosphere where bullying in any form is not acceptable.

Bullies sometimes look for children who are quiet, shy, timid or unsure of themselves. That’s because these children are less likely to fight back. Victims of bullies will be debilitated by the experience, especially if it is severe or chronic. Victims of bullying often need the assistance of someone in authority to get the behavior stopped. Bullies do not usually stop until someone bigger and more powerful steps in, such as a teacher or administrator. However, to avoid more bullying as an aftermath, adults must obtain therapy, skill building, conflict resolution, and monitoring for the perpetrator(s). The victim(s) may need counseling, as well. Over time, victims can become bullies, also.
Bullies frequently have emotional problems, histories of extreme distress or PTSD, and inadequate problem solving and social skills. They certainly have no empathy for their victims. Empathy takes a certain level of moral development. Therefore, if a child, teen or adult is bullying, that person is delayed in the development of his or her interpersonal skills. This is something we know how to fix. These youth are at risk for breaking the law and later violence. This is not something they will “grow out of” without support and help from wise and caring professionals. The goal is to prevent further bullying.

There are 10 things parents should discuss with their children and teens about bullying and fighting.

1. Children that are being bullied may be afraid or too embarrassed to try to get help. They may need someone to stand up for them and stop the bullying. For peers around them, there is something called the “bystander effect” where each person watching the bullying or fighting assumes that someone else will do something about the problem. Sometimes, no one goes for help. Tell your child to be the one that tells a teacher or a parent about a bullying problem.
2. Respecting all people, no matter how different they may be, is essential for a better world. We are all alike in some ways and different in some ways. It is easy to like people who are just like us. However, It is important to be kind and respectful to everyone, even if they are different from us. That is how you grow up to be a strong, contented, healthy adult. Programs such as “Character Counts” can be used in a school to strengthen these ideas.
3. Learning to talk about problems, conflicts, and disputes is one of the keys to stopping bullying. Some schools have peer mediation, which can be very helpful. A great program is “Operation Respect” with the song from Peter Yarrow, “Don’t Laugh at Me” (http://dontlaugh.org) .
4. Some people think that bullying is just a normal part of growing up. Bullying is not normal and is wrong and harmful. Many bullies come from homes where there is violence. That’s what makes bullies think that violence is normal. Violence is not normal and needs to be stopped by someone who is in charge of the group or school. A great program to suggest to your school is the Olweus Bullying program.
5. Bullies that are not corrected will continue to bully. Bullies grow up to be very unhappy and sometimes violent adults unless they learn to solve their problems by talking. They may end up being abusive toward their children, who then, also become bullies. Nobody wants that.
6. Most of the school shooters felt they were bullied or rejected by their peers. Sometimes bullying is just the tip of the iceberg for a much larger problem. There is no way to tell unless someone assesses the bully and the victim to see if there are larger problems and risk of violence. Counseling can help a school bully or victim from developing more serious problems.
7. Cyber bullying is becoming more common. Get into the habit of having your child share the activity on his cell phone and social networking sites to monitor it for bullying activity as a bully or victim. This is also a good opportunity for discussion, teaching moments, and setting boundaries. Monitoring and discussing your child’s activities is good parenting.
8. The child should go to a teacher or parent for help if he is being bullied. Parents can work to make their child comfortable in reporting a bully. Bullies don’t stop unless a teacher or parent intervenes and then you have to watch for retaliation. Parents sometimes tell a child to stop a bully by fighting back, but then the bully just picks on someone else. Make sure you have an ongoing conversation with your child about what is happening in school, so you know the good, the bad, and the ugly.
9. Young people may find it interesting to know that fighting may solve an issue for the minute, but only talking can resolve the problem for the long term. Children that use violence to solve their problems need to learn new ways to solve problems. This is not a quick fix, but one that will take months. Therefore a youth may need to continue to ask for help until he is safe at school.
10. Bullying can lead to severe outcomes such as suicide of the victim and legal charges for the bully.

Bullying is an important topic for parents to discuss with their children. The goal is for young people to neither bully or be bullied. Bullying needs to become an open dialogue where students, teachers, administrators, and parents work together and everyone takes responsibility for their part of the action plan.

Assessment of Juvenile risk for violence | Youth Violence

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I am working on a power point for a presentation on Tuesday.  The important points are:

  • It is not sufficient to measure risk, you must also manage it and reduce future risk. 
  •  Those at highest risk have the most severe problems and need to most intensive work. 
  •  Correct classification rate of risk of violence, recidivism and behavior problems by the most popular tools (measured by ROC)
    • CARE2 – 88-95% (Strong to Very Strong)
    • SAVRY – 75% (Moderate)
    • YLS-CMI – 61-73% (Weak to Moderate)
    • PCL-YV – 63-73% for boys (Weak to Moderate); 50% or Chance levels for Girls (should not be used)
    • MCASP/WSJCA/PACT -64% (Weak)
    • Unaided Clinical Judgement – 50% (Chance Levels; should not be used)

The Characteristics of Pre-teen Aggressive Boys

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If we understand the characteristics of preteen aggressive boys, we can find ways to help these youth to be less aggressive. This was the purpose of a recent study. To this end, the characteristics of 231 boys ages 2 to 12 were assessed. The CARE2 (Seifert, 2007) was used to assess the problems, treatment needs and resiliency of this group. Youth with assaultive behaviors were compared to youth with no assaultive behaviors. Understanding their characteristics will help inform the direction that treatment needs to take.

Of the entire sample, 11% were under the age of 6, 29% were between the ages of 6 and 8, while 60% were ages 9 to 12. Ninety-eight percent of the sample were from the mid- Atlantic region of the US. Eighty-four percent were living at home with their parents and 16% were in the care of an agency. This was primarily a rural/suburban sample. Forty-four percent had a history of assaulting others and 56% did not have such a history. However, 80% had a history of moderate to severe behavior problems and 20% had histories of no or mild behavior problems.

There were similarities among the families of the assaultive boys that were not shared by the families of non-assaultive boys to the same extent. Significantly more (69%) of the families of assaultive boys had histories of family violence, than the families of non-assaultive boys (56%, p < .05). Similarly, a greater percentage of the families of assaultive boys (65%) had low warmth and high conflict when compared to the families of non-assaultive boys (39%; p< .00). Additionally, significantly fewer (1/3) of the families of assaultive boys used appropriate disciplinary practices (no too lax or too harsh and consistent), than the families of the families of non-assaultive boys (1/2; P< .05). A greater percentage of the group of assaultive pre-adolescent males had skill deficits when compared to non-aggressive same age group of boys. More of the assaultive boys had deficits in problem solving, social, and anger management skills and the ability to have remorse for their misdeeds. The behaviors of the two groups of boys were compared, as well. There were no differences in the percentage of each group that was known to abuse substances, running away from home, harming animals, or truancy. These behaviors occurred at very low rates in both groups. There were significant differences between groups in the percentage of boys that engaged in fire setting, delinquency, bullying others, and school behavior problems. Significantly more of the assaultive boys engaged in these behaviors than non-assaultive boys. The only behavior engaged in by more than half of the assaultive group was school behavior problems. In terms of resiliency factors, approximately ¼ of the assaultive boys and ½ of the non-assaultive boys were engaged in some type of positive activity (p = .00). There were no other differences between groups on any resiliency items.There were no significant differences between groups on the rates of psychiatric or neurological problems or distribution of IQ, However, A greater percentage (61% or 76) of the assaultive group were identified as having attachment problems than the non-assaultive group (31%; p < .00). The assaultive boys were more than twice as likely to have attachment problems as the non-assaultive boys.So while we see that there are some differences in the percentage of the 2 groups that have a particular problem, these differences do not totally separate the groups. It was hypothesized that it was the greater the number of problems, combined with the fewer the resiliency factors, the higher a youth’s risk for violent behaviors would be. Since not all risk and resiliency factors carry equal weight in their association with violent behaviors, they carry varying weights in the CARE2. So a higher CARE2 score means that a youth has a higher number of problems associated with violence. Conclusions
The assaultive boys were more than twice as likely to have attachment problems as the non-assaultive boys. Additionally, they were twice as likely to lack remorse for their victims. More than half of the assaultive boys had anger management, problem solving and social skill deficits. Significantly more of the assaultive group of boys engaged in delinquent and bullying behaviors, fire setting and school behavior problems. A greater percentage of assaultive boys came from families with histories of violence, high conflict and low warmth, and inappropriate disciplinary practices.

We know that high conflict, low warmth, violence, and inappropriate discipline in the home can lead to attachment problems among children. We also know that attachment problems can be associated with problem solving, anger management and social skill deficits. These skill deficits lead to delinquency and school behavior problems. The more of these problems that a youth and his family have, the more likely a youth will continue to have serious behavior problems, such as violence.

This information supports the research that youth with violent behaviors and their families have multiple problems and need multi-faceted treatment that addresses the needs of the youth and his/her family. It also points out that the domestic violence of parents is significantly related to the violence of the youth in their care. We must advocate for assessment and services for the children who are in households where there is domestic violence. It also points to the needs for families to be included in the interventions for youth who are at risk for violent behaviors.